Crispin

      Life has been very hard for me, I just lost my mother and father and now I am stuck forever with this man known as Bear. Isn't that enough to wish you were dead, maybe that would feel better than this misery. The fat that I swore to God to be the servant or slave of this man is unbearable, but I don't want to be struck dead by God. That would just make me go down and I would live in misery the rest of my life. After all, maybe it won't be so bad. I mean at least I'll be feed, given shelter and a better chance for survival. I mean what more can I ask for?
        I can also have advantages to this, I can travel to a very large city and even escape so that in a year and one day I can have my liberty and freedom. If this happens I will be lost but with a little bit of hope of having my freedom and not having to be owned by anybody. That can give me a chance and that is all I am hoping for. There is a problem I can't believe how that man is. He is so cruel, mean, and vicious. I am also very scared of him, but sometimes I just can't let him talk to me like that. He hurts my feelings nad makes my misery even worse. 
       I think I'll just have to live with it forever, unless I can seek for help or runaway, but then again that would mean risking not going to Heaven and with God. There are many choices I can make, but many bring me difficulties. What can I do, I am so lost and desperate for an answer. Sometimes though I think of Father Quinel, and I remember how he told me to take my own liberty and how how actually cared for me. For him I will keep my life.